I couldn’t be happier to confirm my graduation status a week ago. It was one of the most memorable if not the happiest event in my life. I was a little sad though. I was not able to share it with my parents because I can only be accompanied by one person in the graduation venue. To make sure I do not leave one over the other, I brought my brother with me instead. The speech given by the honored guest was very inspiring and I regret my mother not hearing it. I am sure she will feel the same as I was.
As the saying goes, “When it rains, it pours”, that is what I am in right now with my problems and confusion. I thought mid-life crisis has already left my system but I guess not. It went somewhere in the deepest, darkest part of my brain and it came out again to torture me.I thought after graduating, all my problems will be solved and I will be ready to face the next chapter in my life. Boy was I wrong! As of the moment, even my short-term goals seem to be blurry. I don’t know what to do next.
I have long given up taking up tailoring because I don’t really have a career plan in that industry. I decided I will pursue what fed me through the years I started working and that is ESL. Yes, I will better myself in teaching English. I still question myself though if I will be a good one or not. I think 1Q84’s Tengo Kawana and I share something in common. We both are somehow good with what we do but we don’t set our hearts to it. I guess it’s because I am a bit passive and at the same time, I easily get discouraged when others disapprove of what I do.
The only solution I can think of now, is that I should lose at least 10 pounds and then, I will start from there. This period in my lufe will be like the writer’s block for the author before he releases his next novel. I wish the next novel would be better than 1Q84.
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